Crime of love.

2010-09-29T02:25:00.002+08:00

Well, I shouldn't has left my blog to rot off.

I'm trying to turn my pathetic body clock back to normal.
Therefore, I'm just trying to fill my life timing.

I'd been enjoying my life since YOG event ended in ochard.
But I'm just fucking left with no job!
No JOB = NO MONEY! D:
So sad for myself.
Well, I shouldn't be lazy.
But it seem quit long ever since I'd to start finding job life months ago.
How I wish I can just stable a job down!

When it comes to love, I'm speechless.
Maybe everything seem to be fine.
But it just look like 暴风雨前的宁静.
Sound horrible.
I don't know how to predict things from happening !
But well I don't wish to let things to happen to anyone.
No one deserve doing all this for me.
If ever I don't need to make a choice.
I need not think, but yet precisely I'm just running away becuz I don't wish to face it.
Yet causing things to get out of hand.
Kill me please.
I remembered that I once said before if ever igot a chance I would settle down, but realizing things aren't just as simple as what we want to!

Friendship that goes off lose like a nail, can it be tighten?
Can a sorry solve everything ?
I don't know what to do.
Sorry sweetheart if I'm cold to you these days.
I don't know how to face it too.
It been quit long that I actually hold a friendship that tight right deep in my heart.
But I really don't seem there a need to apologize when you can't change the situation that you meant it causes out by you?
Then WTF am I waiting for?
Frankly speaking, if you want to let go, by all means be my guest.
I'm quite numb to this situation alr.

Yawn.
Mac breakfast with Eunice before accompanying girlf to rp for her idiotic lap top._.
Good nights ! 

2010-07-06T22:14:00.002+08:00

Finally can update.
Waiting for my dearest to come over.

Bored.
Still have to plan for fellows colleague time table.
SO difficult.
But i have to try.

2010-06-10T07:55:00.002+08:00

It was never a good night sleep for this week.
Is it the side effect for the medicine?

It has been a month and a week of working in store.
And i got onto the management of superior level.
Maybe the contract for this work might not be quite long, yet it fun.
Things ain't getting anywhere better.
Internal conflict between everyone, competitive due to games events, etc.
What will the worst have to come when i need to handle 3 store with the man power of rounding up to 20 ?
Hells! I can't picture how it'll be like ._.

I'm out of house currently.
And i don't wish to be home yet or never !

Reality is never a perfect thoughts to the fact.
Ever since the dragging and broke off, i thought it would be my fault.
And yet only getting to realize it this morning that when between me and him is still sort of "still in status" he actually had a girlf right over in indonesia.
What had i do wrong to deserves what he gave?

I'm putting on a mask daily at work.
Can i not be smiling for a day when i don't feel happy at all.

2010-05-12T12:28:00.001+08:00

It the 12th day of work.
Hmmms, getting quite used to it actually.
Today i'm working alone, sweetheart is off today.

Well, ytd wasn't a good nite at all.
I waited till i fell asleep and yet he actually called.
At least he would want to tell me what going on.
But he didn't want to forgive me ):
Hais.

2010-05-06T08:36:00.002+08:00

Heys, It been quite long since the last post.
I'm getting my life well back on the tack.

Love is just like finding someone repeating and replacing after one another.
I'm glad that i found him.
It just like a crush on him since i knew him.
And well it actually like we both crush together and bibaboom ! Laughs.

Well, seriously i'm in a total rush to my work.
I promise him that i'll strive myself.
And i know he love me to be good.
I'll just try to smoke lesser and not to touch on beer if he dislike so much ! :X

Okays guys, If you know about the Singapore youth game store.
I'm working right at ochard road facing takashimaya.
Find me there cuz all my time is filled with working now ! (:
Tata ! Full shift for today !

2010-04-20T17:19:00.003+08:00

Time to remove the past off.
Time to fade everything.

All along i was the one saying that i can do it.
Yet i ain't proving it.
This time round, there no more exception for myself.

All the pain he gave, I know he ain't a good guy to me.
I know every single hurt he is giving me right now, yet woman like me are just stupidly madly in love with a wrong guy.

Well, my hand are trembling !
Genting weather is so cold !
And i regretted not bringing long jean ! ):
I'm freezing to death soon.
The weather ain't good here tooo !
No outdoor game for today ):

Well, gtg (:
Will upload alot of picture soon !

2010-04-08T14:17:00.003+08:00

It been quite a while i posted things.

It seem to be ytd that i'd a quarrel with dad.
The thought is still so intact in my thoughts.

Can i at least had a moment of flashing everything back ?
Back to the start when i once knew him ?
Back to where he ask me to be his girl ?

I'm once his girl.
I'm once someone silly who is being loved by him.
I'm once the important one in his heart.
I'm once the one he never leave his eye off me.
I'm once the one he'll be worried that he'll lost me.
I'm once his precious.
I'm once the one who he push me off from him.
I'm once the one who he hurt me so deep intact.
But yet i never know how to hate him.

But am i someone you will care now ?

To be frank, there isn't anymore feeling for him.
Thinking back, i was sms-ing with sweetheart last night.
Saying about she and joker.
And i told her how much i envious she and mad.
Because no matter how hurt they had gone through, for the least they can turn back for the one that they love and love them.
But i'm totally different.
There never a chance i'm being spared.
I don't even know why i'm saying so much about him now.
But i realize that it never easy to find a guy like him anymore.

He was so perfect for me once.
He was the first guy who can make me give in everything.

Is there a guy who can be like him ?

Fear of spicy food like how i does?
Habit of eating like how i does?
Wait for me to sleep even before him ?
Delete his past photo to stop me from thinking too much ?
To see from my face that what my mood is?
Cook noodles for me when i'm hungry in the middle of the night ?
Love cycling like how he does?
Force me to eat even i'm on diet?
Come all the way down to mac to accompany me even though how much he hate me to be there?
Bring me to eat all the food that i wanted everyday.
Accompany me to pasir ris though he hate going and was sick at that time being ?
Bought me my favourite durian puffs when i just said i feel like eating ?
Buy drink and prepare for me right after i finish smoking ?
Worried for me when i'm sucha a sotong riding bic on the road?
Massage for me when my back ache suddenly?
Hold my hand to overcome all my fear?
To understand me from my inside out?
Hug me like how he does ?
Kiss me like how he does?
Respect me like how he does?

I know it impossible to find a guy exactly like him.
No one to blame but myself, because not cherishing him is my fault.
Letting him go is also my fault.
I didn't know that even by not loving him now, i still miss him alot alot alot.

2010-03-28T08:22:00.003+08:00

It been awhile since i blog.

Well lots of thing happening.
And changes lots of thing beside me.
Never knowing what will be the next destination for quarrelmyself.

Just had a quarrel with my brother.
I didn't know that it never not hurtful.
I hate the words that he said.
It his mother after all, so can't he just stop saying all those global thingy to provoke me.
I don't even feel like coming after quarrel.
It just spoil my silly mood.
And well for the damn fuck up money i got to get from my dad, bobian.
i told myself that my brother will never be the one i'll even think of giving him anymore thing after we clear our line.

If only love can solve everything, being together won't any of a problem anymore.
Sometimes i wonder, am i worth how you treat me ?

2010-03-21T18:11:00.003+08:00

Currently at hougang lan shop.
Well well well, days that are out hanging at hougang seng kang ~
I miss those days farther back with him.

Ytd he called, when i didn't even sms him for the whole day.
But i just treat it that he know me too well, he should be bored at night to know that i'm up late (:

If love is that easily to forsake, there won't be tears and crying broke out.
There won't be sleepless nights staying up thinking.
There won't be time for staring into the space thinking.
Love make wonders.
Grow as you love.
Letting go as you love.
Because no onecan expect what comes next.

2010-03-18T00:50:00.000+08:00

Dad bring internet home.
Well corp up internet ._.

I'm going to throw myself to sleep.
Gotta start work tml.
In a super duper not good mood.

Well, what's wrong with everything around me?

2010-03-02T00:08:00.001+08:00

Reach-ed home ! (:

Because of you, i smiled (:

Just now went to meet up with ah keong.
Wasn't in the mood in the early afternoon.
Like what everyone say, why should i bother and think of others.
Do what is good for myself.
And everything turn out to be sunny when i received his call ! (:
Asking am i slacking later with them !
Oh My GOD ! :X
Well, slack slack slack!
Suddenly the topic went off._.
BICYCLES TIME !
They was saying about building a bic for me.
Everyone in the riding team got extra bic to build a bic !
I was super happy ! Damn happy with it !
And he seem so happy and excited, deciding what is what for me.
Wanted to be the person who participate the whole building process till he took half day off !

This is the second time he lied because of me.
Thank for everything you did for me.
I appreciated !
And remaining like now is really very good, because we can chat play and scold ! :X
Everything is open to say ! (:

I also thank ahkeong for all that he does for me ! (:

I laugh and smiled but at those moment i'm smling from deep down my heart.

2010-03-01T00:24:00.004+08:00

No matter how much an outsiders' view.
So much to hear, so much to say.

Maybe i'm thinking everything too fast too much.
I'm fearing that the patch will come so soon.
And yet i scare i'll not know what to do.

I wish to be with you.
But yet not knowing how you felt all along is so miserable.

Well, silly thought that could sms no one to say !):
But overall i'm happy today.
Even though i took 133 with jian an, aloysious, yong jun, eugene and eunice to bugis and off i need to go suntec to meet ah keong roy and andy.
The church thoughts was touching.
I nearly cried while everything was searching for an answer to god.
Ate and slack outside suntec.
And i began chasing after the 3 of them cuz ah keong was sick !
It was like all gang against me ! ):
Super Duper Bad !
Well, but at least everything was fine in this way ! (:
I like the way we get along with each other.
Though he still make me feel that there a gap after all.
But as long as i can see him, chit chat have fun and be around him , i'm happy ! (:

----------------------
Edited

Wake up early in the morning got to know i'm off from work ._.
Well, i thought of alot through ytd night before i fall asleep.
Like i don't wish to be the one ppl quarrel for.
I don't wish to be the one ppl are saying.
And i don't wish to be the reason he'll be vexed over me.
I wish to disappear like how i does.
I know how he felt like when the whole world is saying about me and him.
I know he hate to keep hearing same thing.
Maybe i'm too used to the life with him.
I'm a girl too, i can understand how will simin felt when everything she came to know.
A boyf lying to him because of being outside with friend and ex.
Lying because of not quarreling?
And i know the way we're now is perfectly not right at all !
Because i'm still holding on the heart of loving him to be around him.

If ever i'd the change to get back together with him.
I'll change for the better.
I'll give him all the freedom to let him go with his friends.
I'll be sensible enough not to alway stick with him.
But is everything still possible ?

2010-02-28T00:15:00.001+08:00

I know i'm bad ! :X

Well, got an arguement on sms wit simin.
Laughs.
I can't even imagine this day will be here exactly the same as one month ago.
Well, gotta kinda of happy today (:

I like the way we're now, at least i can feel that he is happy and so do i.
I never wanted to ask for much anymore.
I'll be silently waiting for the day if it meant to come.
Because even till now i realise that he is still the only reason who let me be so happy ! (:

2010-02-26T06:07:00.002+08:00

I get to know the reality.

You're never getting any better!
Fight back and prove you can, but it alway time we ppl need in.

I'm wondering after this whole night of awake though i'm seriously tired.
It 6 am in the morning when i need to wake up for work at 10.

I never strive so hard for someone before.
Sweetheart, you're the first to make me actually willing after 3yr to start studies.
You're just like the one exactly like who i am in the past.
In my eye, i saw the past of me.
Hate to say that but i regretted alot.

Sweetheart :
Every human beings have their fear. But to overcome it, it ain't rush.
Pushing yourself over ain't doing any good for yourself.
I can't find any heart in you for studies currently right now.
Not to ask you not to study , but you should arrange and pack your mind and thoughts.
Another 2 yr down the road and it ain't easy at all, can you endure all the nasty words coming out from ppl mouth ?
Can you even pass yourself ?
I'm once like you but yet thinking back it silly.
Cuz nothing is too late to realise as long as you know your mistake and amend it.
Time is forever not enough, nothing is forever but knowledge is what we got for the rest of our life.
Don't stress yourself out, think what is really good for you.
Look from another side of the view, some words are meant to be hurtful but year down the road, you'll felt that they're right.
Remember i'll alway be here to guide you through the fears ! (:

Serene girlf:
Girlf , i didn't know what you're going through currently.
But you seem to be avoiding everyone including me and gaga.
Don't keep yourself away.
But you make me felt that ever since after andy incident, we're drifting.
I can't blame it for your mindset but i hope that you can really understand.
And my phone is alway a call away, cry out loud if you're really tired.
Sometimes a cry can make yourself feel much much better.

Andy :
I didn't expect to see you at mac just now.
When it doesn't meant to be in this way.
Maybe i don't know you well but all along you'll never ride pass mac if there nothing.
Thank for starting the conversation with me.
I don't know does you still felt anything for me anymore, but i just wanted you to know something.
I wish to carry on my life without you anymore.
I make such a big effort everyday and yet i always stop whenever you appear.
I didn't mean that you shouldn't appear, it just so sudden.
When i never thought of seeing you at all.
And i miss you truely though i'll still tears but yet not the love anymore.
Just the misses of your goods.
Thank for all the sweet memories.
At least you let me know that there was once that i can actually get what i wants.
I know that you won't be possibly reading it, i didn't wanted to sms you.
Just felt like writing all my thoughts out.
Asking you to be back to my side and all this is ridiculous now, it mean nothing at all to you alr.
The freedom that you want, i gave but yet why aren't you feeling happy?
Or am i still disturbing you ?
I let go is because i want you to be happy.
I hate to see you together with her, but it the choice you made and i hope it right.
I can't be the one who give you happiness and smile, i hope simin can be the one to.
And if i'm a threat toward simin, why not ? Laugh !
Because we human beings will only cherish when we feel like we're gonna lose it.
Be happy alright ! (:
Lastly, i really miss you alot !

tatas ~

2010-02-24T21:30:00.002+08:00

Ohohohs.

Actually i like working at video shop.
Free show to watch.
Life won't be so boring.

I swear that i'll still cry because of him but yet i don't love him anymore.
I'm trying to be used to the life now.
But misses are hard not to be addicted.
I'm trying to get this addiction off.
But the whole world are reminding me of him ._.

I hate it to tears because the heart hurt more than everything.

2010-02-23T01:44:00.002+08:00

Ohs Ohs Ohs Ohs !

I'm going to slp soon.
Currently on phone with sweetheart.
Martin is once again back to jio me ._.
Well, 3 guy now yet no one is my choice now.
What happening to me now is more impt than r/s.

I need to go work tml.
Not much to say.

There will be never a chance that i'll mess my life up with him anymore.

2010-02-22T14:27:00.001+08:00

It never easy to hate someone, it'll only make yourself more tired than ever.
I wouldn't hate him at all because he don't even deserve that little feel of mine.
Laughs.

2010-02-21T04:23:00.001+08:00

I'm tired.

Tired to face everything alone.
Tired to make myself so shag.
Tired to mess up everything.
If i'd knew, i wouldn't had voice anything out.
If it a test toward my trust on such important issue that i told you, then congratulation!
You prove that i can't be trust.
You hurt me once again.
I don't wanted anymore thing to end up with you again.
If hurting me will be a good thing toward you then please ask me to fuck off from your life !

Goodbye.

2010-02-20T03:16:00.001+08:00

I'm not sad.

I thought everything could end off in the way that nobody has to cross each other life.
I hope that thing wouldn't goes off in other way.
What to say to make thing remain now, the way i'm happy before i thought that everything will end up messy ?

2010-02-19T04:45:00.002+08:00

It isn't the same !

Opps ! :X
Everything seem so destined ?
Laughs.
Slept till 8pm >.<
So i'm currently tired still cuz it 4.51a.m alr !
Went mac to meet up with angela.
Jian an aloysious yongjun and some of their friends.

Some funny thing that happened.
On behalf of my son (jianan), i bite wenda !
And it the first time i bite till bleed and internal bleeding too!
I swear i didn't did it on purpose de !):
And his friends conversation go off in this way~
1st boy " I pity wenda siah ! "
2nd boy " Oh well."
Madeline " I don't dare to find you trouble, Fierce siah ! "
Me " Continue talking and singing ~ "
1st boy " She very cek ark ! No feeling de siah when ppl pains till like that"
Me " Oh, i really didn't did it on purpose mah ! "
Wth, i can't feel any pain or sadness in myself no matter what ~

I seem so over happy !
Maybe i'm really relieve off from loving and loving ~

1st boy " Who can even remember what they did for ytd at this time? "
Sweetheart " Yesh i can ! I ate big breakfast ! "
1st boy " Oh ! Then what you did a month ago of today ???? "
Me " I know I know ! A month ago of today this timing, i just get tgt with him and sat at the exact same place slacking with him. " *Laughing away*
Well, am i crazy ?
Who will be even laughing and proud of their ex ?
Only some crazy ones like me does? Laugh !

Went ktv with angela sweetheart.
Amk is so small yet i can't get to see them.
Jalan besar is so big yet ended up, Boy and their whole family at the same ktv ._.
Cool right ?
I sang with confident, i played pool with confident and walked pass them with confident.
Well, i believe without them i can change for the better.
They love to remain the same, but i can't.
I'm lousy at pool, don't dare to sing when i'm still hanging around with them.
But the one today standing infront of them is a totally different person !
Though singing and pooling is still not in a super standard but at least better !
Alots of thing they said, ask me through phone barh KPO like girlf ! :X

Girlf' I didn't receive any of your sms asking for meet up lorh ! liar! Hmmms, i'm sure get to bored if i worked full time. And my dad would have the same reaction as your dad ! Laughs !

2010-02-18T15:22:00.002+08:00

One month ago of today is the day when i and him get together.
Yet after one month, today i can't feel anything.
No one believe me, but yet i don't believe in myself.
It the first time i'm letting go till this step.

On Monday, i hold my tear strong not to cry when the news break out that he is with simin.
But after that, my tears never drop anymore.
I throw the chocolates that i made, delete the powerpoint that i had for his valentine.
It's useless to him alr because he said that everything is too late.

I spend this few days to keep thinking of him and him, but realising i can't remember how he look like anymore even i focus on it.
I can't even remember his voice, the way he talk.
And even the memories is fading off.

My mind is in a blank(:

Girlf;
I never receive any of your sms ! ._.

2010-02-16T21:32:00.002+08:00

Wa!
New Yr this yr is super duper tiring.
I didn't ton for month since countdown.
I did but worst come to worst i still need slp not awake like previous day for the whole 2 days!
I'm wondering am i even human ?

Hmmms, update for the sake of ALEXWEE !
Met him up today as ytd receive his msg out for lunch.
Cool, it been going 6 yr since we ever met.
He is still the same accept for his stupid height that is 186 -.-
Well, stand by his side machiam i'm like dwarf !
Wt^&%^%$^#&^*
SEE THIS I"M CURSING YOU HERE ! HAHA !
But really enjoy my day.
We went new york new york for lunch !
The chatted about our life ~
Then drop ourselves at V.land for a game.
And pool-ing for the whole 2hr !
I can't believe that playing pool with alex is so relaxing.
He the first one that i ever play with when i felt ease at.
And my skill machiam improve alot !
Even angmo say so when i have a few games after closing my table.
Then shop shop at hub.
Get the slipper i wanted.
Hand-carry pouch and a belt too!
I spend a 70 today ._.

2010-02-16T04:34:00.002+08:00

我不要谎言，不要眼泪陪我度过。
静了才知道自己有多累。
也知道他不适合我。

承诺着一生的幸福却换来了伤心的泪水。

过去的我一直相信着你是个让我去爱一生的人。
但是你也让我相信放手是那么容易。
说不爱你却办到了。

不要执着的我，不要坚持的我，再见。

放弃了你、放弃了爱情也放弃了自己。

你知道吗？
我不要你的承诺只要你可以诚实的面对说再见（：

2010-02-15T07:18:00.001+08:00

Happy belated Chinese New Year.
Happy belated Valentine.

It never a happy ending after all.
It doesn't matter anymore now when i wanted your action to prove louder that your words.
You choose to see and not stop.
Leaving me in a lurch.
Then fine , thank ahs !
And it was the last chance i can give to you ytd yet you make it like nothing.

2010-02-13T06:25:00.003+08:00

Never manage to be on phone with him last night.
When i'd the courage to call, but yet is this fate?
Fate that let us apart.
Fate that will never let us meet anymore?

I know it my thinking and choice, but did anyone know how difficult to change?

I used to cried when he was on camp duty when i'm all alone in his room at night.
That is how much i miss him, and it the 3rd night without him back den.
But at least, i can still hear his voice.
At least i knew, once the sun shines, once i open my eye, all i can see will be him.
I fill my life with his.
But it terrible now.
It the 5th day since we broke off.
It the 7th day since we ever seen each other.
Will you be missing me like how i do ? );
Early morning waking up to be emo-ing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It 4.44pm.
Reunion dinner time is nearby.
Steamboat as usual for normal family ~
Well, i shall be sitting alone in the house crying );
All along am i pretending not to get the fact right ?
When did i ever does that?
It when the love that i wanted that much to be back.
But will it?

My dad is such an asshole.
I thought he would at least make me felt better to bring me out for dinner.
But yet until now, nothing.
Are you my dad?
Do i deserve such treatment from you ?
Everything is just making me feel worst.. worst worst.
I don't wish to cry infront of my dad to make him feel that i'm really inneed of everyone there for me.
I believe that i'm strong, but am i ?

I didn't know what to do now other than thinking.
But can you at least tell me that you still love me ?
I'm thinking and asking for too much.
There no more reason to meet anymore ):

2010-02-12T15:05:00.003+08:00

Will anyone who broke up with their boyf update this kind of pictures?
I miss him alot alot alot.

---------------------------
This time round, i woke up fearing.
I can't remember what the nightmare is but yet all i remember is, will he ever come back ?
I'm so so so tired that i can keep sleeping and sleeping.
Yet i fear the moment of being awoke by scary nightmare.

Leaving my heart so pain for no reason.
Ain't getting the right mood cuz right deep down the wound, it been bleeding.

Seriously, i fear to put so much thing in this love that i wanted back.
Fear that it'll be like he will never be back.
Fear that everything had long ended.
Fearing so much.
I feel like closing myself up.
Like how i was in the past , but how to?
I don't have the confident to continue striving on.

2010-02-12T02:55:00.002+08:00

I'm a bad bad girl....

Reach home about 2a.m.
FACEBOOK is what i does when i online !
I'm super tired i swear but uncle is having his night over at my place, well i let my bed out ):
I finally get my ass out of my house today.

Hmmmmm, for the exact information, it been two month since i does this action !
I slept on WED 2p.m to Thur 7.33 am !
Well, once again woke up due to nightmares.
Never mentioning ever since friday till now, nightmare of me and him quarrelling kept haunting me.
Every moment when the break is out, i woke up fearing.
What does this means?

Suppose to meet girlf but yet cny is round the corner, she seem busy like auntie X:
* She gonna kill me if she saw*
Ahem...
Drag here and there, been unwanting to leave house.
To face the thing outside.
I love to kept myself away from the outside world whenever i'm feeling down.
Because alone is all i wanted.
Took 159 to sk.
All along the way, i was struggling, should i sleep ?
Or to see the memories that i'd it swept pass to awake things?
The night when my first ride by him (:
The night when we cycle to sinming ~
The night when we used to slack at hg's park.
Well well, too much.
Pass jean money and went for lunch because stupid sweetheart was still at JOKER HOUSE !
Nothing much happened ~ NO FUN ! =p
Waited for them since jean is going back for work.
Joker meeting jianan 2 at cp yet only me and jianan at mos.
Starting they say meet at starbuck, then mos.
But does it make any different.
WELL CUZ STARBUCK IS THE PLACE WE KNEW EACH OTHER ! -.-
I sat alone on the exact spot, thinking back, different is i'm alone and it sunny bright ! ._.
Then eat slack shop, and off to amk hub.
OH GOD !
Joker is making a fun load out of me and him !
It super shy to say that.
But yes, i miss him! :X
Sweetheart and me machiam crazy, shop 15min*** at hub down mac for not to 10 min and off to her grandma hse.
Then bugis to accompanied her mum.
Back to her to wait for the dinner , the reason that i suppose to be there.
And whole load, i been missing him hoping to see him when we're hundreds block away only.
And i emo, guess ended up what?
I never change the ringtone, and i get excited when it keep ringing !
Cool, he still machiam my mood remote.
Finally get to be home.
I miss home truly, cuz sweetheart never let me home till she want to go home !
And i also don't wish to overnight at her house.
I keep repeating saying other than my own hse and his, no more :X
I'm going crazy going it, i know >.<

Family issue.
I felt overall that i'm bad to do so.
But can i be selfish for once?
I don't deserve a good cny this year.
Because i'm fucking out of love.
Hmmms, sorry that the reason has to be lying.
And never letting anyone to know about me and him.
I lied to my uncle when he asked me.
I said all those beautiful thing that we say and does, but sadly it over.
Yet i didn't need to fake the happiness because he left it with the memories.
Tears isn't bearable after all.
Once again, crying is all i can do.
I cannot say the truth out of my mouth.
This is the first time that how much i gave my r/s a trust to letting my family know.
And i don't wish there is a second time.
Uncle said " Are you being happy with him ? Is he really serious about you? "
" YUP ! He is serious and i'm happy! "
Uncle " That the reason for this cny in sg as valentine is here too ? "
* THINKING*How i wish it really is, can i just fucking cry out saying everything ended?
" Nah! Partly is ah, but mostly cuz of work. "
LOOK ! I'm a perfect big liar who goes round hurting others.
My grandma shall be super duper sad to heard the news that my bro isn't going back because he don't wish to and i won't be back because i need to work.
I don't bear to hurt my grandma, but i don't wish to drop tears infront of everyone.

My work is being postponed.
My boss tell me whatever the reason that cause me in this stage, clarify, feel better then start work.
He a good boos, i'm a lousy worker.

I'm such a lousy ass who never get thing done well.
I hate myself for never being able to do perfect and hurt others.
Off to my TRUE LOVE SEASON 1 LAST DISC ! EXCITING !

Even by feeling up every single seconds sleeping, tv, com and shopping, my mind is never out of you.

Gaga told me,
Don't be afraid to be irritating.
In this stage, who care about it.
Go for it, make an effort.
And most importantly she awake me, love is selfish.

2010-02-10T09:14:00.001+08:00

Morning everyone !
Hmmms, i'm rushing for my work training, so won't say much.

Met up with sweetheart at around 11 pm ._.
Was on phone with ah keong for quite awhile.
Really thank him for doing so much in helping me and him.
But whether or not, cherish or to really end here is up to him.
I got no more rights to make any choice.

Time is what i can give you.
But all i wish is know the the reply right deep down your heart.
Whether or not do you still want me in your life.
But please prove me wrong through the actions that you care.
I don't wish to end up making the wrong choice again.

Bye, i won't wanted to online since he seem to be avoiding me that that much.

2010-02-09T11:48:00.003+08:00

Early in the morning, suspose to be in training -.-
And here i'm rotting at home.
Or maybe tuning my feeling slightly better.

Well, we ended off peacefully.
No matter how much i wanted him to stay, he insisted in letting go.
I'm not till the extend of stupid in making both suffer, because i wish him to be happy.
So i'll respect whatever choice he choose to make.
Because once he is firm with it, i can do nothing to change.
As long as if the ending will let him be happier, why not ?
Being together, i can't give him anything.
But now, that the least i can do when he want me to go.
I could nvr be strong in arguing towards the one i love so much and trust.
Telling me to live my own life, yet forgetting he is my everything now.
And it seem like another obstacle for me to overcome seriously if i ever wanted to begin another r/s.
Other past seem to be easily overcome, the love doesn't last from the guy and the care is never like what he give me now.
So it should be really ... difficult.
And the fear of never knowing will that guy be the right one for me.

Because of him;
Well, difficult to believe, but it true that he changes me alot.
Maybe he the first guy that is so mature in my past r/s.
He the one who scold me for not studying, rewards me for my cleverness.
He'll be the path of light leading me out of my lifeless way.
But yet i'm lost from the path of his.
Goodbye, my love.

------

Edited ;

Thank girlf for being there the whole morning for me.
I don't know how much i tears.
I don't know how much i spend myself to get thing out of the way to stop tears.
But using com watching show, interval of tears still comes.
How hurt could the pain be when it just 23day together.
Girlf been entertaining me in fb !
And i saw your post !
PASTA SHIT !
Laugh !
But well, ppl are keep me accompanied chatting all the way to stop me from thinking.
But yet my mind turn around back to where i'm stuck at.
Fuck myself.

I wish to laugh from the inside out.
Not from the outside.

Well, sudden pain.
This timing , he should be home online.
And right to FB, i saw the status of ours.
Well, tears is unbearable.
Fuck myself for being such a cry baby !
I'm just a childish kid who never grow up ! );

Girlf asked did i sms him at all?
I didn't.
Because being together, i'm alr that irritating to keep sms.
And now, i got no rights at all to sms anymore.
Well, i should let him go because he got the every rights to go too.
Argh.
Just another emo-ing time-.-
I hate it.
But i didn't choose it.

2010-02-09T02:23:00.001+08:00

It currently 2.24am ~

Fuck dam it.

I don't know what to do.

Till now, i'm only proving myself worst.
Let it be if he don't even care.

2010-02-08T17:07:00.000+08:00

Not feeling good at all.

If i never saw, i didn't know that it can be so cruel.
Well, i don't have a need to be good anymore.
Since they never wanted thing to end off.

2010-02-07T23:09:00.002+08:00

Oh well well well.

I have the right to be not alright because this is my life.
To ruin myself like fuck.
But everyone out there, because of him , i'll be fine.
Maybe everyone will wish to thank him for changing me that much.

I'm silly.
I'm stubborn.
But i'm still willing to wait for him.
I never wanted to be the one who end it when my feeling for him is still that deep intact.
But well, i feel that i'm lousy being a girlf.
Because i felt that i seem to mess up his life.
I seem to be a trouble to him.

What girlf say is right, if i was a lousy girlf what is he holding on?
But i never wanted to admit that it has to end so fast.
Because everything start off so fast.
And all i do is cry.
Crying and crying, even though i was the one who break off.
Crying since last night while waiting for him.
I didn't sleep, i didn't eat, didn't smoke but just crying.
And this time round, he didn't give in to me anymore.
My nonsense.
His harsh words.
But till the very last min on phone with him, i never thought of leaving.
But yet piecing everything together, maybe i'm not what he wanted at all.
I thought i can be strong not to cry once i'm out of house today.
Went to buy all my bros' thing.
Went to mac to eat and cheng hock treated me.
He the second guy who bought me mac wings.
But he isn't the guy i wish to be.
I cried while eating mac wing,end up i ate 2 and i swear w/o him, no more mac wing !
And when i receive the sms from jean and girlf, i cried like hell.
Everyone ask me what to do to stop my tears and make me smile!!!
I said " it'll only be him who can does wonder to me."
Make-up ruin like hell.
Imagine my shiny eyeliner and blue mascara ~
I never let myself so shag.
But i never understand that what is in his world that fear everyone to understand him.
Keep yourself away isn't protecting yourself from any hurt.
You said that i can rely on you, you'll be there for me always.
I open my heart to let you in.
I make you my everything.
But am i being let into your heart ?
Am i your everything ?
Will you be even worrying me?
Will you be even reading it ?

No one is at fault when it come to love.
It just the timing and is it the right one for you.

I still stand in my believe that i want you to be my last.
But i told myself, till the 18th if he didn't wanted to ask me stay, den i shall be a good girl.
To leave him and make myself disappear.
The love for him will not fade even though i leave.

2010-02-07T13:44:00.002+08:00

Thank for being trustful to me.
Do you know i rather you to be straight toward me without letting me to guess.
Baby, i love you.

2010-02-02T19:21:00.002+08:00

I don't feel like going home.
But i don't feel like being left alone.
I thought having him in my world will be a happiest thing because i won't be alone anymore.
How much he was nice to me is what i never had ever since i was small.
I thought when we compromise, to let everyone know.
I thought you'll be the last though you're not my first.
I never wanted to hide anything from you.
Never wanted to control you.
Because my love isn't selfish.
I know all along i'm being unreasonable.
But i didn't really realise, my love for you'll really tired you out ?
You said i could rely on you, you said i'm important to you.
But the feeling toward me, is it love that really occur or it just a moment of rush ?

Baby, do you really know what you actually want from the start?
Did you really want me to be your last when you aren't even sure of it ?
Am i really important to you ?
Or without me, you'll be happier?
Without me, you can do what you want without worrying ?
Without me, there won't be any nagging that you don't like.

I don't wish that i'm someone who bring ppl happiness away.
I ain't that kind of girl.
I ain't that kind who really can pretend as nothing, who can giv up all my freedom because of love.
But it you, baby, who make me realise that i thought you can be my everything.
I never tolerate any rumor.
I'm unreasonable because i quarrel over rumor.
I ain't that kind of girl who can wait and wait for a call, a promise that you'll come or even wait for you to wake up.
but it just you baby who i only wish to do every single things for you.
Is not that i'm not confident at all.
But baby it you who didn't know what you want from the start.

When i accept you, i put my whole heart into loving you.
I let my whole self to rely on you.
But did you ever let me enter your world?
Or did you ever enter my heart to really feel the unstable feeling i'm going through.
It never you who make me tears.
It just that whatever i did, i'm just lousy.

I'm a lousy girlf who never understand that my boyf is tired.
i'm a lousy girlf who never know what my boyf wanted.
I cannot give him anything when he can giv me.
Am i still the girl you would want to continue with ?
But you're the one i wish to hold on not because of anything but because i'm really loving you.

I don't know will you read.
But if you choose to let go in the end, don't worry for me.
Because you made the choice to part your life with mine.
7.35p.m

2010-02-02T17:15:00.002+08:00

I'm asking myself once again.
Is it me who cause everything to the turn out in this way ?
Or are your answer toward me letting me felt the way you're now is letting go ?
Your hold on, but the tiredness that i gave you.
It make me heartpain to hear that being a girlf, i would only make him suffer though.
It just make me felt like i'm useless when you're the perfect one giving in to me.

Fuck my thought.

I shouldn't ask you to compromise things when all along in a relationship, i know promises is not forever.
Promises are meant to be broken.
Promising that you would never never break with me.
Giving me the only way out is unless i broke off, if not it would be a struggle.
But when the moment i accepted you, i never think of being the one who break.
Because when i say i love you, it meant all it should.
But toward you, does it goes out to be the same ?
I'm forever guessing what you're thinking.

I'll never let go but please let me know, if toward you i'd become irritating and tired you out, then tell me that the end.
I'll respect every of your choice.
Because this is how i love you.

2010-02-02T13:24:00.002+08:00

YAWNS !

This few days wasn't in the light sleeping mode.
Well, baby didn't woke me up this morning.
Quite alot of thing happen ytd.
Didn't wish to mention it as i say, it the past.
But i don't wish to see her in my life again.
Such a ....

Training was postpone till tml at 9.30.
Baby was super happy over his iphone this few days !
I felt like arggggg.
Lols.
No lah, but seeeing feeling happy, i'm too!

Girlf is currently working now.
Hmmm, maybe going over compass for lunch before baby come back.

2010-01-30T15:33:00.006+08:00

Ouch Ouch !
Poor backside of mine );
But it was fun !

Wednesday:
Woke up and meet sweetheart, forget the detail of what we does actually?
Hmmm, but baby call at night to ask me cab over to meet him and meow meow and jean.
Stay over at baby's house cuz i won't be seeing him till friday night.

Thursday:
Early morning, some idiotic sms broke my mood off.
Well, ended up telling baby i won't be going mac today.
Had 2 interview in the afternoon, one is intro by jean and i been selected ?
Starting training on next monday.
Wanted to tell baby so much about it but yet no reply or call back.
So intend to push the 2nd interview over but sweetheart sort of inneed of job, and her interview was successful too !
Get on phone with baby, telling him the good news.
He say when i reach home, he'll give me a call.
But to my awaits, nothing );
So i went down to mac and slack till 2 plus.
Send baby a sad sms.
And suddenly he called.
Didn't talk much as jian an and sweetheart call in to conference.
I cried and cried upon hearing the things that i fear all along.
Can't that slut fuck off from the life of couples?
Get a life for yourself man!

Friday :

Amk Hubbing
Accompanied sweetheart to do her bank acc.
Went for eye brow trimming and facial (:
Hmmm, and off both of us went for a sushi meal.
But just ate some, 6 plates of it and 2 drink, off we get our butt out of it.
Went for a smoke and thinking of what to do next.
Suddenly k-box is having a promotion at 8/netts per pax.
So guess where we went?
SINGING ~!
Baby called not long after that saying he reaching home and we're meeting up soon.
Woohooo... sang for an hr only ._.
Well, I ride the bik from hougang st 51 to hmmm lolong ah soo ? ( spelling sound weird -.-)
And back to hougang mall, gather up with babys' friends.
Off to the next destination ~~ Sin Ming
Bishan for supper...
Hougang park to slack...
Back to baby house.

Currently i'm all alone at his house.
Was way too tired to get myself home when i slept for an hour before baby was leaving for camp duty this morning.
Never manage to wake up to accompany him.
And tonight he won't be home tooo ):
Stupid duty ! $%$%$^$%@#$
Hoping time would pass super duper fast !

Girlf !
I'm not busy alright !
Stop saying i'm busy when you felt sick yourself ! );

Baby,
No worries, we won't lose each other.
What matter the most is the trust we'd.
I'm touched by the words you said last night.
Because i meant so much to you.
But do you know, you're going to be my everything.
So i would never never let go of you unless you do.

Missing him );

Pictures of baby's bic and friends.

2010-01-27T04:24:00.002+08:00

It 4.25am.
That so rare of me to sit infront of com at this timing.
Currently on phone with baby.
He keep talking about his 85k !!
WTH !
And now, it all about BOB BOB BOB ~

Well, i'm getting excited about the bic-bike he going to give me!
Woooohooo, i can have a bike for myself finally at the age of 19 ._.
That seriously fucking old.

Went to mac at 6 plus p.m to accompany sweetheart.
Had a tiff with baby.
Everyone there can see the thunderstorm and sunshine coming out very fast.
Once baby was alright with me, the smile on my face never leave.
Baby's riding skill was super duper fast !
I miss him seriously.
Got to see him in the past few days for hours only.
It the 2nd night w/o him by my side.
But luckily we're still on phone and he make the effort to come all the way down to amk (:
Had dinner at mac, i been eating mac-wings 4 time in 3 days.
Nice sioh! X:
Then baby bought me to eat durian but the uncle wasn't there.
Hmmm, baby found the phone he wanted (:
He picky ! :X
White and pink he all he wanted !
Well, i'll find time to update his baobei which is before me that is most impt in his life.

Baby told me that he had to go overseas posting this oct, i jitao sad.
But i tell myself, whatever it is, just cherish everything with baby now (:
Playing uno on msn with baby now , noisy noisy !

Baby , though you're just a phone call away but i miss you seriously !
I hope to hug you now );

2010-01-26T15:12:00.002+08:00

Ytd wasn't a great day.
Don't know what wrong with baby.
Didn't wanted to tell me what happen in the morning that make him that piss off toward me.
Well, got to see him at night when slacking at cb mac.
Baby ride bic all the way down from hg point with his friend keong ( i think so) just to acc me awhile.
I know everything he does is enough for me.
Yet i'm just over asking for much.
Maybe i'm still not that confident in myself overall.
Trying so hard to rid the fears.

Towards the friendship with them, all i can say is farewell.
Nothing hurt, no emotion from me.
Because after this 3 yr, it time to face the cruel fact.
That friendship is just nothing w/o money.

Baby;
It isn't your fault that make me so unsercure.
It just the way of my thought that is killing me.
But i'll try all my best to maintain this relationship because you're the one for me from the start (:

Girlf;

I don't know how to face you wen i owe you so much.
It all my fault that this friendship towards you felt indebted.
But i hope we'll be like how we're in the past.

2010-01-22T19:05:00.002+08:00

Thousands of words to say.
Thousands of thought that i never wanted to admit.

Had a talk out with baby ytd night.

His love for me is what i always wanted all along.
His care and concern.
His protection toward me even though he can't be beside me when he is in army.
Tearing so much, not because he make me sad but yet the way he touched me with all his action.

And, i'd let go of that guy.
Baby, i wish that you'll be happy.
Because that the least i can give you when you can give me everything i want.
Baby, i love you !
I miss you ! (:

Going out to take my pay now.
Well i kept dragging at home !
Laughs !

2010-01-21T15:57:00.002+08:00

I wonder who are you mentioning in your blog that are getting further apart.
All along there isn't.
Maybe it just that you think too much.
Friendship is always there.
Or it just my fault that i cuz all the insecure and doubts in this friendship.

Never letting you to know that i got a boyf, it cuz i wish that i can be stable down before letting ppl know.
Stop thinking so much , my girlf (:

My boy is so noisy now ! (:

2010-01-20T10:50:00.002+08:00

18.01.2010.
The day i cried.
Cried over him once again because of him treat me good again.
And realising it because he single again.
Well, sound like i'm so spare ?
Hmmmmm.
And on this very same day, i know it unfair to Andy.
But yet telling him everything even maybe there still some small gap on "him", andy didn't mind at all.
Thank for his understanding.
And i accepted him (:

Baby, i hope we really do last (:
Because you make me felt bliss!
I love you.

2010-01-04T02:00:00.002+08:00

If ever you wanted to treat this friendship as what you think, i don't know what can i say not to make thing worse.
I didn't ever treat you as someone when i need to.
Toward me, you're a friends that i hope to let you know of everything.
But towards you, did you ever really bother about the feeling i really had toward him?
It's that easy to say and let go, to go against what your heart didn't wanted to do.
But will you alway be there late out in the night for me ?
I didn't wanted to say anything when you said that i'd changed after putting my tatto.
And because of that you avoid my call.
Being a friend of mine, or even girlfriend, i thought you will be the one who understand me more than anyone.
But yet, am i thinking wrongly?

If ever you choose to really forsake this friendship, i won't breath a word about it anymore.

2009-12-30T06:08:00.002+08:00

The way you concern if that it true, make me more pain that everything.
I slept only 4 hr and here i am waking up at 5am doing nothing.
Dropping my tears like a silly fool.

I know it doesn't worth it.
But could anyone kindly lend me a helping hand to pull me out.
To stop me from all this pain.

You make me felt like a pest.
You make me unable to forget the past.
Because that is how deep i'm in love with you.
And how deep will that pain comes along.

I woke up half way when i'm sleeping to saw the miss call by him and boy.
And actually calling just to inform me and ask if whether i wanted to pay for the chalet.
Who am i to you both?
Have you ever think that before?
Because of both of you that get my life so tiring.
I jitao cry after hanging.
Tears just feel like dropping once i thought of it.
Because all along, all this while , all this 2 yr i rely totally on them.
And i got the sudden urge, to die str away.
The medicine that i got will kills str if it is over dosage and not in time to hospital.
Thank angela rayland and jiacai , but i think it better for you to get your own celebration.

If by ending will stop my heart from suffering, i hope i'll stop my breathing now.

2009-12-29T10:17:00.002+08:00

That is how friendship is treated between us.
I thought that time would solve anything that hurts.
But well, i just came to realise, it time to bid goodbye.
Living in a totally different world and thinking, i don't know how to get along with you.
And all along i matter this friendship more, but i don't have anymore tears for this friendship anymore.
Because everything seem so obvious.
I'm awake from a long nightmare.

From now on, i need to be on my own.
Because ever since the depart of the love for fabian, they had always been the ones protecting me.
And yet they're actually the one who hurt me that deep enough.

I shouldn't have been thinking of you when you hurt me so much.
Because every single past should be ended.
I'm firming my stand to leave my life w/o you all.
Finding my way back to who i am really.

By letting go of the past 2 1/2 yr memories.
By not thinking anymore of what you all meant.
I didn't wanted to get myself to believe the fact that is standing right infront of me.
But yet everything is so true to not to believe.

Farewell, because my heart felt that i can't be soft-hearted anymore.

2009-12-28T09:03:00.002+08:00

I never wanted to think that way.
Never wanted to hurt myself that badly in the end.
But i felt like i'm so dirty.
I don't wish to face all this but yet everything has to end, is not going to drag on anymore.
Completely ending every single thing.
Not to meet you, not to sms and even change of my contact number.
Because you'll be the one totally out of my life.
If money is all you meet me up for, then i admit i'm silly all this while to treat your action as though it memories.

I wanted to forget this painful love, because eventually by hate-ing him will only make me rmb him.

2009-12-28T06:18:00.002+08:00

Stop all this !
I don't have that strong will to push you away, so please don't treat me in that way.
If you can't leave the life , then i'll take the step to do so.
Because everything had long ended few days ago.
This time round, i had make that decision, no matter what i'm letting go.

No more of you anymore in my life !
Stop confusing and messing me up in my life !
Stop making me hurt and pain that much.
Get lost !

2009-12-27T08:35:00.001+08:00

Finally i had decided, decided that where should the pain stop.

I went to tattoo ytd night ! X:
Will post when i update the pic to com. now super lazy !

Nothing much.

2009-12-26T13:37:00.003+08:00

Currently 1.37.p.m.

Sometimes, i wish time would stop when you were there with me.
Crying the very first time and one last time on your shoulder holding on to you while crying for you , it'll never be anymore.
When i shut my eye, all i can remember is the way that you didn't want to face me crying.
Is that your fear?
But why didn't you push me away when you don't even like me from the start?
When i am just a toy toward you ?
You should be glad that at least you need not tolerate my unreasonable attitude anymore.
I hold on that tightly to you, till the moment i realise no matter how much tears there would be, you'll still be the impossible and that is why i let go.
I didn't want thing to end this way round but i'm tired to be the one giving while you just take in.
I know when i choose to push you away, everything has ended.
You don't even have the courage to face me because you fear hurting me ?
When you're alr that cruel to me, why don't you say str into my eye that you don't love me at all?
I see the way you joke, the way you avoid.
I didn't wanted to hurt you as if you really will ?
But do you know, your answer is important to me.
An answer that will change my life entirely.
Let me cry for the one last time when i shut my eyes.
I don't dare to sleep because everything will flash through once again cruelly this time.
Goodbye my love, it wouldn't be you anymore that i wish to mention.
And thanks for treating the person that love you so much cruelly.

2009-12-26T02:23:00.004+08:00

I suddenly don't know what to type ._.
Lmaos.

Ytd spend my whole day sleeping.
I don't know why am i that tired larh.
Later got to go see doctor.
Well, i hope everything will be fine.

Why am i always the silly one waiting for you ?
Sometimes, i wish you can read what is running deep down my mind.
I'm tired to chase after you.

THIS TWO ARE CUTE RIGHT ~

This picture remind me of the days we spend together.
How you care and share with me.
Maybe it is true of what girlf said.
I never intend to let go of you ba.

2009-12-25T08:00:00.004+08:00

Merry christmas! (:

Oh well, manage to have him with me for christmas.
But yet i can't find any time to ask.
I can see his worries when ah jie called this few days that affect his emotion str after hanging of calls.
I can feel that he didn't wanted to face the case.
You know if what i said out on the case hurt your emotion, then i'm really hoping to see how will you react about this relationship.

Watched Sherlock with that bunch of idiots :X
THAT SHOW WAS NICE !
BUT the person who initiated fell aslp ._.

Crying over not having you by my side, yet forgetting that i'll even lose you in the future.
What if the case comes along?
I won't even be able to see you, hear your voice.
How am i going to manage that kind of hurts when now seem like a torture?
Having to see you everyday stop all silly thoughts, but not having you to settle my thoughts will kill me.
I believe that i would greatly affect your day.
If i didn't mention about the case, i would even forget that you'll leave me one day all by myself alone.
Please god, i know he won't worth my doing for him, but fate put us together yet never ending, can miracle happen for once?

I wish i never had
but i only want you for this life of mine.

2009-12-24T04:28:00.002+08:00

Add on of another post.

Realising that the frienship between me and boy has come to an end.
I asked, will you only sms me when you want something ? Or has our friendship started to fade?
Replied by her,
Is just because you got your life on and all i want is just staying at home.
Everyday once i'm awake i'm just waiting for agatha to come back and doing nothing in the meanwhile and i mind asking friend over to do nothing.
And i said,
I'll get it, living in a fully different world from each other, then i could only accept this cruel fact.

Am i wrong to said that?
In boy's world , what she needed most is aga.

I hope to put a stop to everything.

2009-12-24T03:38:00.002+08:00

Can anyone please pull me out of this burning hole?
This burning yet never getting to see the depth of it.
I'm dying soon if everything carry on this way.
I'm being greedy.
I feel like asking for once even if it really hurt or pain, but facing him asking will you be my one and only ?
Can you be mine ?
I know i would cried out straight, i know i would do lots of silly things.
But it better than now, i don't know shall i be happy for the way he is treating me ?
Who am i to you ?
I'm running a fever yet crying like hell.
How am i able to get over him ?
If moving far away from you can fade some off, i'll give up the 25 % share to my dad.
I can have no money with me but yet i start to realise how am i to be happy w/o you?
You seem to took my every smile and joy.
Your thoughts, unguessable.
Your feeling, unsure.
At least for once, i did tried all my best to go for the guy that i truly love 2 yr ago.
But toward this love, i have no courage.
I don't wish him to be sad but yet getting myself dying.

Can i have the forgettable potion of love if there really is ?

2009-12-23T09:47:00.002+08:00

Was gonna get my butt off here soon.
Waiting for him to wake up, it giving me hell.
I don't care, when i'm ready and he haven't wake up i gonna go myself.

Ytd went for interview, in the end end up filling up forms only.
Then me and rayland went slacking awhile before leaving to bugis.
Well, rayland was funny larh, starting so quiet, after leaving novena he like parrot !
He accompany me to interview so in return of favour, i accompany to bugis to pass thing for his mum.
Den we machiam like crazy, kept eating mac ._.
Ate shaker fries before leaving novena, went compass ate mac again._.
And we took about 1 hr train from bugis to compass.
Heng, we got commmon topic - maple.
And previous 2 night, he accompanied me sms.
Well, ytd was telling him the big secret abt him.

Sometime i wonder, does anything worth you stopping for me ?
Once again, you didn't push me away from you, but yet letting me fall deeper.
But i was glad, because ytd night was a night w/o my tears to sleep.
Actually, if you're able to make it today, i wanted to confess everything but i don't think i can.
Or am i once again thinking too much ?
What i wanted for christmas is only you by my side, can i ?

2009-12-22T01:42:00.002+08:00

Finally get to use com.
Was wanting to update before i went out just now.
But was in rush meeting up with girlf.
Ended up, interview postponed to later at 4 pm ._.
Wth.
Girlf was being noisy to day larh.
Once i met her, nails ._.
Her pathetic nails ._.
Who get us running like mad in amk hub !
And such a nag she is, not pizzahut jiu pepper lunch .
Ended up she can't get student meal. LMAO !
We rush to watch FENG YUN !
And was shock that actually there isn't girl grp watching it.
Because our surrounding is all guys !!!!
And she is so choosy abt the polo t.
End up never bring home. wakakkaaka.

Met weili when i reach house area.
And his grp of idiots ! :X
I was shock that he told me he did went for work ytd when he argue with me for not wanting to go.

Does my words still meant anything toward you ?
Or am i thinking too much?
Your concern let me felt that i'm still in your protected area, never left before.
But yet the more you're in this way, the more you will make me tears.
Has my presence become your reponsibility or is that your true meaning.
Every night is a nightmare ;/

2009-12-20T10:31:00.002+08:00

I never wanted myself to tears so badly.
But everything just can't be back to the past.
Every single thing.

Is there anyone who will listen to my nag?
Is there anyone to wipe off my tears when i'm crying?
Is there anyone who will hug me to sleep ?
Is there anyone who will hold my hand when i fell?
Is there anyone who will lend me your shoulder?
Is there anyone who will lend me your listening ears?
Is there anyone who will cover the hurt and pain right deep inside my heart?

All along there is the someone who will does all this, throughout this 2 1/2yr, no matter as a friend or the person that i love.
But yet nothing is more cruel than reality.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

2009-12-20T06:25:00.003+08:00

Opps ._.
It 6a.m in the morning >.<
Supose to have dinner with NamiJunko.
Excuse me, is for him.
Ended up 12am he is still at punggol marina drinking away.
And i acc weisheng down to st.james because he suspect his "wife" is having fun._.
Nami was lame, ask me to finish clubbing and go eat.
From dinner -> supper -> breakfast ! -.-
Lots and lots of lame face!
So cancel the so call breafast as he was tired but i think he is drunk than tired !
Fucker nami %&^#%@$%#$#^%&^*5

Tsktsk.
Heard that weili is starting work ltr at compasspoint mac.
When i hear that, i was imagining him in mac's uniform and i burst out laughing !

I can't keep myself off the tv or com.
Because even when i'm outside, my mind work like shit !
Because i miss him like hell ! ):
Like what i said, it not easy.

Anyway, today is the 20th, end of loner life at home.
My NOISE POLLUTION is back less than 24 hr time.
Not one but two ! -.-
I don't know is it a good thing or not ?!?
Good thing is because finally my maid is back (:
Bad thing is i fear my tearing at night will be hell for them :X
Though i tear lesser but no one can predict the pain.

Ah, i can feel that your life is back to where we used to be.
But you let me felt that you don't need me in your life anymore.
Or maybe friendship ain't your priority anymore.
Dragging and dragging does neither of us good.

When will my ahem going to finish !!!!
It giving me hell !
I wannnnnnnna to go swimming so badly la !
It alr the 9th day.
I don't know is it infection or ?????

It been the 5th day since you confess-ed and left.

2009-12-19T17:28:00.003+08:00

Oh, i think i'm really turning my body clock back.
Though i still woke up in the afternoon but i'll try my best to make it an earlier awake.

Gone through what had happen ytd, it tougher than what i had thought it will be.
But even that tough i can go through, i hope the hurt and pains he left behind will be alright for myself.
Maybe it never easy than i'd said.

All this years, my life had never been sucessful to live w/o them.
But yet parting for one another is something we people cant avoid to do so.
Even though it seem that something will be missing when i'm all alone, but toward them i'm someone who they need not anymore.
It tiring to guess the thoughts of others.

When will my maple be downloading finish!
And when will i ever get to log in to my Crystal5tar !!!! ):

2009-12-17T19:56:00.002+08:00

How to express friendship between friends?
Friendship isn't a weapon or something that can use words to hurt each others.
No matter how angry you're, anger of words aren't meant to be said.
Thing that are done cannot be undone, just like what hurting words that is mention.

Meeting pamela at 11pm at bugis for a steamboat.
Well, it almost 2 yr since we ever met up.
Gonna catch up quite alot.
And she ask me not to dress too nice, well she know what i'm thinking ._.
Update later when i'm home (:

2009-12-17T03:14:00.001+08:00

Finally finish editing my new skin.
Didn't know what to choose for the mood now, maybe simple is the best.

Girlf!!!
We find work tgt hao bu hao ?
Don't leave me alone ! ):

Wth ._.
3 : 15a.m !
I'm off to bed when i mostly will fall aslp 2 hr later ._.

2009-12-16T02:56:00.002+08:00

Love is a crime.

Thank girlfs for being there for me.
Thank 1ns for not scolding me.

But 1ns, i think i won't have the will to risk this love.
Because i fear that to the very end, i will hurt more than what it is now.

Is concerning me that a difficult job?
Sorry, but i don't dare to face you.
I fear i'll ask for more.

2009-12-15T08:13:00.002+08:00

There is no start neither the end.
Yet i feel like thousand of knife piercing through my heart.
How pain and hurtful it is.
An answer is what i alway wanted.
Yet when i get the answer, i cried like mad.
If age is the only reason, God pleas take me away alright.
I felt like i'm going to die.
It pain like hell !

' xxx, just say you don't like me. At least i know an answer, i'll feel better and won't avoid anymore.'
His reply:
'Orh.'
'Orh means ?'
His reply:
'i got say before that i don't like bigger than 2 yrs old de.'
'Not any feeling at all ?'
His reply:
'Some.'

Always holding on to the answer that he won't even like me, but yet it fate that hurt all along.
The very first time ever in my life, i felt that i'm old.
I rather i don't have the rights to go clubbing, pub or even smoke.
And just to be with you.
I'm going crazy.
Crazy like hell !
I been crying and crying for 1 hr since i stop replying.
I... don't know what to do other than crying.
The reason put me to a death sentence in his world of love.

Does it hurt you when i ignore you?
And that why you gave me a answer?
I said i won't cry for you anymore but every night seem lke a nightmare to me.
I wish you were there with me, by my side.
To let me hug you like i always do );

2009-12-13T03:04:00.002+08:00

Home about one hour ago.
Down to sengkang koufu.
Stupid leslie, Stupid eric.
I'm down to be entertainment.

Tonight, the star are as bright as that night.
The night where we walk on the beach.
The night where we hold our hand like we were together.
Tears drops when i'm cabbing home.
Even till now, i'm still tearing.

I saw the wishing star!!!!
But got no time to make a wish. );

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
He didn't even wanted to give me a I DON'T LOVE YOU!
);

2009-12-11T01:55:00.004+08:00

New haircut (:

The smile is gone because of you.
):

2009-12-10T20:33:00.002+08:00

Currently playing : May i Love you.

'And i just want to ask, will you ever like me? Don't say don't know.'
...
... ...
... ... ...
'If you don't reply den i take it as you don't like me. I don't wish to continue crying because of you for nothing.'
Drops of tears that reach my cheeks.
But yet i felt glad on tuesday night that i didn't cried so worst like that period of time.
Fell on bed to sleep.
And yet closing my eye, time seem to be back to 2 mth ago.
Where everything cross the path that it doesn't meant to.
Tears keep flowing out.
I can't stop.
I grab my heart and shout out crying.
I never in my life cried till that stage, not even for fabian.
Daddy woke up and console me to sleep.
But i slept for that 2 hr.
I didn't wish to see him but yet i had no choice.
No choice to avoid every single things because of him.
He did pretend like nth happen.
He did think that i'll.
But i'm sorry, i can't anymore.
The way you hurt me.
The way you mislead me, that is not love.
Once i touch on the image of him, thought of what we does or mention in the past, tears just rush out like i'm not in control.
I tried that hard not to cry infront of boy and bz.
Yet everything is not under control.
I sat on the sofa, trying to calm my breath down.
And yet when i think of why is he sleeping so early, i remember the time, the time when i ask him change his time clock back to normal.
And he say me, ask me to turn back my body clock den ask me to accompany you.
I MISS HIM ! );
Thinking of does he had enough money out and all this.
But he isn't the guy who is there for me anymore.
And i ain't the girl who wish to give him everything i can.
);

2009-12-07T11:02:00.002+08:00

wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow!
Later got freeeeeeeeee SOUEL GARDEN !
Another 1 hr plus need prepare to go out le (:
Haven bathe yet.

Well, i was thinking.
I fear falling for the guy i like one yr ago.
It fear only.
I don't wish that the same old thing happen again.
But when chatting with him, he someone who is much more better than the guy i like now.
At least, he wont throw me alone.
And just sort of quarrel in sms few days ago.
He said i didn't change at all.
Quite true.
I'm all along that bad.
All along not treasuring anyone beside me.

I wish to fade cast away from his life.
I'm getting tired and sad over it.

2009-12-06T07:39:00.004+08:00

Have a night out to PM country club.
Went to leslie birthday party.
He old man ! 25 !!!!! -eye pop out-
Though wasn't really enjoying, but got to know someone new.
Well, he dam good looking la !
One of his friend tooo ! look like the korean f4 guy ! Gold hair ~
LOL !
The super good looking guy is so friendly!
Cuz of bz , promise ppl to play mahjong den run off to singing song ._.
And replacing her, i know no one there! ;x
But this very guy, he keep make fun of me.
And i realise, whenever i look at him, he will tend to notice and make stupid face !
LOls !
Went to eat after that, and finally after 6 day of porridge, i finally ate rice !
That was so nice la !
Okay, some picture of today ! (:

Byes (:

2009-12-04T23:39:00.001+08:00

Girlf's job pay rate suck !
Went to find girlf for dinner.
And waited for her to finish her work !

Reaching home, find that i'm all alone again.
That what i hate of being at home.
All i can face is the tv , the com, the tv the com.
Well well, though all kind of work is tiring but it money that wonder around our human life.
Nooo to blame for that !

I wanted to have a spaaaaaa session ! ):

2009-12-02T23:30:00.002+08:00

BORING ~
I find my life dam dam boring !

I don't enjoy clubbing :X
Aaron is so irritating la !
Stop asking me out to club ! :/

Still looking for a job.
Well, girlf had started working.
Though working will be super tiring.
But better than me, wake up stare at com.
Don't even know what to do everytime when my eye are opened.

Thought of working back for anlene yet thinking the pay kept dragging.
So what the use of working ?
I work because i need the pay to come on time to survive myself for my expenses.

2009-11-19T22:18:00.006+08:00

2009-11-19T21:30:00.003+08:00

Well well well ~
The weather is so dam coold ~

Hadn't been in a very good mood.
Haven't been having a goood sleep.
What am i thinking?
What am i expecting?
What hope am i carrying on with myself?

Sunday,
Went family outing with him.
i cried like mad when i was on cab home.
The familiar sound, familiar person, but the unfamiliar words.
Finally, all doubts is clear.
Understanding how much it worth.
I hate to finalise my own answer but yet tears is just rushing down all the way.
Finally, the confession is out.
But yet there no reply.
I thought we won't have to meet, but he treat it like nothing, asking me out.
I wonder, am i even a somebody in your eyes?
Will you ever think of me or even in bad mood after knowing my feel toward you.
Is your don't know a hope on for me?
Or you didn't wanna to hurt me at all !
Is the concern from you the past few week is out of just caring or you mean it ?
All along you hate ppl for making me tears but yet now you're the one.

Sunday when i got to reach my house downstair, i sat there crying.
Or even not i cried all the way till my blk and burst out loudly.
I wenting drinking till wee in the morning.
I cried till breakfast time is over.
I cried till the sun was in the mid and finally fell asleep.
not more tha 4 hr, i woke up losing my soul.
Monday and tues is still worst for me.
Till ytd, bazhang ask me out for a drink ~
I bought 4 bottles of heni.
And end up finishing 2 by my own when bz and her friend each one.
If i'll be drunk, i won't be suffering so much.
At least i got to sleep.
At least i won't go on hunger.
But after the drink, i told mysef, even i got to tears, it won't be going worst.

All along telling myself that love isn't something i shall fall off.
So a small reminder is really something that make it wonders.

Shortly one month is more than enough.
Even thinking of how hurtful it is now, but i'll miss the way you treat me (:

We aren't suitable for each other.
Because everything just went off its way.

2009-11-07T02:11:00.001+08:00

Firstly, Happy(finally) 18th birthday to my dearest girlf Rene !

These days everyone is looking for a job so urgently.
And i tooo, i wanted a full time job so despo !
Lols.
Maybe bored of slacking and working partimer !

Well,
Please bring me back to the reality, where everything should be back to where it haven start.

2009-10-28T04:58:00.003+08:00

Maybe blogging is what i needed for this period of time.
I'm getting myself into thousands of thoughts.
Tired over everything.

Studies ain't the last stop for me.
I didn't know what i really want.
And yet i been setting myself in a difficult spot.
Well, i hope everything that had happen is just a dream.
And it will just be back to normal when i woke up.
But it will never be that fake at all.
Sometimes, when things happen, no one can predict even yourself.
I wish to cry out aloud.
Cry and lean on the very person who make me go through so much pains.
Yet he didn't know everything.
In his world, it ain't so complicated.
I agree that i felt secure whenever he is around.
But yet, it ain't love that occur.
The love that never reality.
The faith that never seem real.
Becuz of not yearning much, i landed myself so tiring.
I had no one to speak to until ytd.
She ask did i fall for him ?
I said that i did ask myself before but yet whenever it came to the answer, it'll all be blank.
And maybe she is right, blank mean there will still be a chance.
But yet i realise i'm running away from the answer.
The answer that i never want to know.
The answer that will cuz everything mess up.
There will be the day that he won't be around.
When i got to know that he will be gone, tears caught me up deep in my heart.
Is this just normal worries ?
Or is this love?
He won't get to know how i felt.
Because the truth can never change the fact that it age gap that isn't understanding.
I never want to spoil or change anything right from the being.
Choosing to kept it to myself, i know i'll burst out one day.
But i had no choice.
Tears are just hanging all around my eyes.
Ain't getting right amount of slept ever since that happen.
Whenever i was alone, whenever i shut my eyes, the very incident kept flooding by.
Can i have a choice to turn the clock back to prevent everything if i know it will happen ? ):

Anlene is so mess up this year.
And i ake the choice of not working anymore.
I didn't even turn up for this year W.O.D.
I wanted to go so much, becuz i miss the nurses that i once work with.
Every and each of them. );
But , there nothing for me to move on when toward the boss, i ain't nothing.
So what for should i work for him.
Anyway, i had found a job alr !
Though the pay is super super little, no one will believe i will even work for it ;x
But i'm tired for partime, time to settle down for the period of time :)
I hope i can manage it, i know i can ! (:
Starting work this coming friday.
Bless everything will be alright for me (:

Update some pictures , it long long ago when i change a new pic !

2009-09-30T19:50:00.002+08:00

It damn damn damn long i didn't update.
Lazyness kill it all ~ :X

Time passes!
Recently met up with girlf for steamboat.
I miss those past alot larh !

Wa.
Just to realise, O levels is approaching soooon ~
And work it occupying all my time !
Kill me please.
I'm getting tired and tired.
Even if a cert is for me now , i didn't even think of continuing ~
Cuz i dun even think i'm the materials to study :)
Lousy as time get by.

Thing aren't the same anymore.
Love isn't the matter of my life anymore.
I'm strong.
I don't need love to be by my side.
I believe i can be on my own ~
:)

2009-09-05T04:16:00.001+08:00

Does everything still meant so much like before?
Does it change for the better?
Everyone you said is meant for her.

I'm telling myself everyday, i can be okay with everything but i just cant forget the incident.
I'm telling myself everyday, this friendship is nothing anymore.
I can feel it and i can see it.
This friendship is so fragile.
What for ?

Tiring yourself out more and more for what?
Aren't life getting on as usual without her presence ?
Believe in myself, i can live without it.

2009-09-04T02:45:00.000+08:00

I'm mugging hard for my coming soon O !
Believe ?
LOl!

Friendship that is up to this point, i wish everything will be like the same.
But the gap, it cant be get rid (:

2009-08-25T16:58:00.002+08:00

Still in a sleeping mode.
My visit to malaysia is more and more often.
Maybe in here, i need not do something that ain't myself.
Back this time for grandpa funeral.
I cried upon the call i receive last wednesday.

Is life so short for someone who wanna turn a new leaf ?
Is life so unfair to people who are trying to change ?

Can't afford to lose any relative anymore, my heart is more tired than ever.
Even though i ain't the favourite of grandpa but he still the shelter to my dad.
And now it gone ?

I didn't collect my sg ic.
I skip it.
How am i suppose to be on stage smiling when my grandpa passed away two day ago?
Quarrel with my dad cuz i insisted to postpone.
Ended up postpone till 1/2yr later.
I think so ?

Tml will be back to sg, english oral coming up on friday.
Working on weekend if max is offering me short hour jobs.

How can someone life like me be so boring ?
Getting of boredness conquering my life !
I'm finding a more toward full time job.
I won't wanna waste my life out.

Love isn't something i wish to touch on.
Worth of waiting or not , the choice is your.
But there no one i wanna to place in heart.
Cuz i'm tired of it.

2009-08-15T02:06:00.002+08:00

It seem like 22hour that only passed the incident.
Oh well, if by saying forget will erased off the scene in my heart, i'll surely want it.

Friendship and love?
Which will you prefer?

All along i know that cuz of love, you're someone who will forsake friensdship.
But you never did that to me, never make me worst than anything else in this world.
I felt dead in the friendship now.
Yah, i know it my lose that i lose a good friend.
But anyway, losing a friend that forsake friendship cuz of love, then i'm fine with it.

It'll only get myself stronger after each insult.

2009-08-13T06:18:00.000+08:00

Let me continue.

What for struggle?
What for tired yourself through month of suffering ?
Does everything worth it ?
When everything is back to where it is.

Make it stay or leave it.

2009-08-12T22:25:00.000+08:00

I think everything is gonna to be back to where it should.
I realise maybe i don't even understand what you're thinking after all those assurance you had given to everyone.
Let be back to the start.
When everything shouldn't even met at the starting point.

Bye, the love.

2009-08-11T21:40:00.002+08:00

..............

Happy birthday ! (to myself)
Having a totally different birthday this year.
The year when i'm 18.
But having family instead of friends celebrating for me.
I SPENT ALOT OF MONEY ! ):
When i didn't bought alot of stuff ):
Damn it !
Don't even know where i spend all my money !

Another three more hour and my birthday is over!
Had received only one birthday wishes.
Hmm, maybe by proving you rmb is the best way through sms.
But no one bother except that one person !

Boy :

I think you haven't read my post.
Thank for your sms that send me in stupid mood early mornign when i wake up.

Having spent my days away from singapore, awya from all those hurting that will drive me crazy.
But actually i ain't feeling any better, i know the fact.
I hate facing it.
I was intending to spend more time here.
Finding excuses for myself not to go back );
I'm bad alright!
But did anyone feel good for me ?
Anyone ever put yourself in my shoe to think ?

And and, i'm susprise by your confession.
It been quite a long time i avoid this type of conversation with guys.
Becuz eventually accept or not, it will still hurt the both of us.
I didn't know what will my answer be.

Had a good dinner with uncle who is celebrating for me!
And if i know better, i should buy my luck in 4d !
My uncle won a few hundred and his birthday is same as mine !
It so totally not fair la ! ROAR !

2009-08-08T15:28:00.002+08:00

When thing isn't in the right place for the right ppl of all.

Well, i can't deny the fact that you know me well.
I didn't wanna post but infact i wanted to tell you, i did read through your blog.
I mind alot of this friendship.

Firstly, that a nice nails you got for yourself.
Okay back to the topic.
Yuppie, i know i'm at fault of avoiding.
I know i didn't wanna move on.
But i'm trying my very best.
To take a break now better than i avoid the rest of my life.
Girlf, no matter what you meant alot to my life.
So let stop the blaming on each others ba !

I spent every night through thinking.
I hate thinking, it cuz me no better sleep.
Staying awake all along, feel nothing but so dead.
FUck it la !

Happy 44th national day ~
Happy 44th mummy's birthday is she would be ever alive.
Happy 18th birthday soon to myself.

2009-08-07T02:36:00.002+08:00

I told myself not to cried.
But i am not even feeling happy at the end of my 17th ~

Maybe that it.
Everything just end it off like this.

I think when ppl are reading through my blog, i might not be in singapore anymore.
Save the celebration.
I don't need it when i don't even feel happy at all.

Am i silly to hold on everything that doesn't belong to me.
For knowing weisheng , knowing adrian, meng, boy and agatha and sam.
Does all this really belong to my life?
Or is it all along i'm adaptting into it?
I wish that i can turn the clock back.
I hope that i never even had know fabian.

BOY:
Maybe i'm thinking much.
But boy, dun you realise you dun even bother calling me over your house ?
You dun even bother sms-ing me ?
The time where you alway make me feel left out cuz of others.
Is it that we're that good that we do nothing and expect thing will turn out good ?
And i can't even see or feel that you really cared.
Ya, maybe i'm just a pest that everyone feel like getting rid of.
But i just wish to be a friend to you that you will at least remember me, if there a need to do thing in cruel way to make you hate or angry with me, i'll because at least you do remember me.
Maybe all along , i'm the only one who thought of going back to the life where we slack without work.
But i'm wrong infact.
You said before, when i need you, you'll be there.
Does it still valid ?
Does you know that i got lot and lot of thing on mind and i just feel like sharing with you ?
Does you know how much a friend you meant to me ?
Even more than my life ?
I think it time to cool everything off.

AGATHA:
It isn't that i don't wish to share with you.
It just that all along i only kept thing to myself.
Even if i mention and said, what different will it make ?
Nothing right ?
Ya, maybe i will felt better after saying.
But i was never happy even after saying.
I don't wish to worsen anything.
Let it just remain like this.

GIRLF RENE:
I don't know is this friend of your impt to you in the past or future.
But sorry for all the anger.
Sorry for avoiding thing whenever i can't face it.
I didn't meant to end this friendship, but what done can't be undone.

I realise something, i'm destroying myself !(:
I feel like i'm left with nothing.
I don't know what i'm struggline for.
But i told myself never never fall this time round.
I hold on myself to love because i don't wish to hurt myself deeper nor avoiding the thing i'm hiding.
I hold myself on in front of my dad because i never wanna fall again infront of that woman.
I hold myself on for every single reason but i was never happy.
I'm tired to face it.
Be it friendship, relationship or kinship, i'm a soreloser.

I'll be back when i need to work or when i feel like.

And i'm telling everyone, i'm someone who hate to be even alone going downstair to buy a drink!
So imagine how much i fear about being on my own ?
It not that i fearof ghost, it just that i don't feel to be left all alone in this world again.
I hate the past ~!
I hate ppl who create all the hurt!
I hate myself for being who i'm !
I'm not even strong at all !
I'm not even cheerfull all time !

2009-08-05T00:12:00.002+08:00

201 Posts.

No more left out.
No more sour feeling.
No more hurt.

Extra is the feel i'm going through right now.
Am i meant to be alone ?
I don't need any pity from ppl reading my blog.
If it's that you read then you understand how i feel, then fuck off.
Leave me alone.

I'm not someone ppl will remember.
I'm not someoen ppl will share their fun with me.
I'm just a loner, maybe till the tomb of my life.
Fuck it !

2009-08-04T06:22:00.002+08:00

Quick post before i'm off from this lappy.

Actually was scrolling here and there to see post of mapler.
And suddenly, i missed it.
It all along that luckily i had maple to be there for me past time.
And now i started missing it.
But i'm saying it right now , if i gonna back it will get a fuck out of me cuz i will say no to lots and lots of thing.
Like going out ? NO ! Go eat dinner ? NO !
Hahaha !

But thinking of it, maple hurt alot too.
Love that are found there.
X3collaspe and m0m3nt5, they lasted.
Yet all along there was quarrel and arguement.
Does meeting up make everythng firm out ?
Does it really matter when someone put up so much effort?
Does the other see it in their heart?

If love are meant to be your, it won't get any longer to reach the one that suit you.

The sudden urge of getting back to contact c.z.y.
I miss him truly.
But i don't wish to get myself into deep trouble ! :)

2009-08-04T05:57:00.002+08:00

Does every single one in the world will take everything for granted ?

Suddenly i realise that i didn't have much friend beside me.
Those friend that i can call up or those that when i sms they will be there for me.
All along there was, but everything is gone.
And i didn't even realise i been keeping so much thing in my heart.
So much till when i wanna share, there no one to hear it.

Thinking of it, since there no one who bother abt it, i gonna be back to malaysia this thur or fri.
And only be back next week before work start.

Maybe i isn't impt to anyone else anymore.
Toward you, i'm just someone you will find whenever there no one there for you, but did you ever thought of how i will feel everytime you leave me all alone becuz of someone else.

2009-08-02T19:15:00.000+08:00

Back from malaysia.
Okay,it was saddening to see my grandfather in this state.
I don't know why, maybe it isn't close at all but i just felt like crying.
I bear my tears, for the sake of not letting them know how much i don't bear him to leave me.

The operation will be tranfer to KL tmr, and it a 50% sucess rate and failure.
It like when he saw me, all he was saying was that sum of money.
It like even till the door of death, what he worried for most is my bro and i.
I hope everything will be alright!
Boy might be right, maybe letting him rest in peace will be good for him, but being child of his will always try their best no matter how much they spent to change for a chance of living.
Grandparents' hse was so dead.
It like or maybe i didn't see the deadness ever in that hse before that scare me so much.

If friendship that you choose to let go, i ain't saying anymore.
Didn't even realise how much think i'm going through.
I don't wish to do everything on my own anymore.
If i meant so much to everyone in a friendship den jolly well you all should know that my birthday is coming.
I don't wish to be the one every year planning for my own celebration.
I don't wish that celebrating my birthday is being spoil by anything else, if that is so den i don't need any celebration.

2009-07-31T11:29:00.000+08:00

WALAO !
Tired.
I didn't wanna reply all sms-es.

If friendship is meant to be that fragile den there is no turning back anymore.
I thought all along that our friendship can withstand everything, but till now i realise it isn't.
Okay, maybe you think that after i quit my job, my life is full of boy.
But it should be all along that when job didn't come in the first place, boy is all along there.
But whenever i need you, when times passes, i realise i don't know how to tell you.

Realising that life doesn't only need love to survive on.
Letting go of someone maybe is also letting yourself !
Live for the love that is right for you ~

2009-07-22T19:36:00.002+08:00

I dunno what wrong with blogger.
Wth ._.

Okays, my life is back to the dead and boring style.
I mia from work :X
Bad right !
Don't feel like working anymore, not that i hate the work, just that i hate the boss ~
LOl.
The boss suck ma bo bian.
Com downa t home, so dead at home nor.
But getting back to work soon ~
ANLENE ~
Max invite me and boy back and ask for more ppl to work.
So i'm jolly well happy !
Cuz i still love part time more :X

Tired.

I realise i dun need love now.

Boy was mentioning about those guy on monday night when we were playing the cards.
She mention the for so many guy through this 2 1/2 yr, it only fabian that she see me cried so much.
The another one is c.z.y.
And and when she was saying about how much i does for fabian, i acutally tears.
Tears for the memories that is hidden deep down the scar of my hand.
The name that forever there.
The never regret for it.
And for c.z.y. , i realise is not that i forget him, but somehow i let it fade.
Love can fade how fast through this 3 mth?
If ppl do watch the ending of boy over flowers, you can understand that something that a person get hurt too deep will tend to not to think.
And i realise the part of c.z.y. is the same.
I never imagine that it didn't fade off as much as i expected.
I ytd cried.
Cried cuz everything suddenly flash through my mind.
It hurt.
But it never had been there in future.

The need of not love yet you.

2009-07-08T04:07:00.002+08:00

It's late up the night, yet i feel like sleeping if i continue watching Ko 3.
I will be KO by den.

Tired lah.
Been meeting up eric almost everyday of work thingy.
AND AND he such an asss !
Alway last min la !
Wth ._.
I curse and scold the person who create this function that seem to torture ppl ! -.-
I feel like saying that, i don't need ur guarantee anymore.
It more worst than losing a stupid one day off from my work ):
Kill me please.

Okay, i got the stupid product on monday.
Fancy of thinking you got 26 boxes of eumora.
Let be back to topic, this product work wonder on face seriously.
Oh, whatever.
I kept backspace what i type.
Need not much explanation from me.
The web is full of this product !
Simple type the product name ' eumora'
Fucking lots of thing to come out :X
But i'm proud of myself that something that no one tried before.

Let me ask in a simple way.
Dare to eat something that contain ALGAE ? MOOR?
And i'm sure that even u surf the net, you can't find.
I ate it ._.
Okay, seriously proven that it does extract toxin out...
It like better than those sliming pill, sliming teas ?
Okay, there not a assurance to you that drinking sliming tea will sure go toilet, but eumora does.
IT LIKE BELIEVE WHAT YOU TRIED !
Spending a 165 buck on a box of 4 baby bars that can last you 6 to 8 month ( depending on personal usage.)
YOU CAN ATE IT, APPLY IT !
And it proven that it suitable for all skin type even the sensitive one.
okay, i don't bullshyt much cuz it all can be found online.

Yawning away, anyway girlf was telling me something pass few day.
Okay, even starting a business what you really need infact is money.
OKay, it true that no money den don't start norh.
But you know what, money can earn back.
But you can't bring it to your grave.
So, stop giving such stupid insisted that you're not wrong at all attitude.
So what if we failed doing it ?
Does it affect your money ?
Put it in a very bad way, it none of your fucking business.

HUNGRY HUNGRY ! ):
Now i can't sleep.
This stupid lappy no msn no e-buddy ._.
I don't know what can i do for the function tml sio.
I hope that miracle will always happen around me.

I know that you're living happily with what you've.
And i never intended to change anything for now or future.
It just that, i wish that the yearning of love shall not go beyond what i can control.

2009-07-02T23:17:00.001+08:00

Well, i didn't went for work today.
I got no mood to work.
Maybe it just that i don't feel like stepping into s'goon.

Thank gaga and girlf fro the accompany today.
I was glad that i was laughing and yet not down in mood.
I fear the upcoming of the future night.

The ending of the love of the very 6 day.
I wonder, how long can i count the love and how long can i hide and last the likes.

2009-07-02T03:38:00.000+08:00

Woahs.
That was cool.
Did you ever see LAU GEOK LENG blush when talking about a guy ?

I didn't in my whole life time.
And i'm serious.
The feeling now is totally different from virtual love.
I'm sick and tired of virtual love due to someone appear in my life.
Whatever it is, my love won't get to another point.

Maybe what girlf said is true, there lots of guy around me waiting for me.
But yet, too bad, that what i can say.
YOU DON"T SUIT ME !
I'm forever the same, i love to choose someone who don't love me yet i love alot.
It been 2 yr since fabian in my reality life.
So i can say, omg ._.

2009-06-29T19:15:00.002+08:00

Right now, I'm feeling like a being dump away girl.
Finding no rely on anyone.

Realising that for so many yr that i went through, i still need to face my stupid fear.
Fuck la !
OKay, wadever !
I don't like being alone.
And i need to be alone to listen to the talk.
Omfg la ~
I hope someone can suddenly sms me tmr saying that he/she is willing.

I'm like something that forever not growing cuz i dun even wish to touch on the wound.
And realising that no matter how much friends i got, i can't find someone.
How pathetic am i.
Hais.

Just a talk, i can't find someone to be there.
I'm wondering is there anyone who rmb that day is nearing and do anyone really rmb me ?

I've fallen deep in it for him.

2009-06-26T01:01:00.002+08:00

女人往往撒谎是为了不让爱他的人上伤心, 而男人往往是为了自己.
相爱容易相处难.

I'm watching queen of no marriage now.
The last two episode ba.
And i dun even feel like knowing any other ppl now.
For the first time i off my phone for more than 6 hr.
I realise i'm forever the same, never change.
I always wanna avoid.
All i know is avoid.
Love isn't about the 2 person.
And it isn't something that you wish to start or end.

If love can be simple, there won't be tears.

Wanted to update picture, but too lag, so too bad.

2009-06-22T15:02:00.002+08:00

To add ons, i was browsing and listening to Father day wishes this few days.
It isn't a day that is impt.
It isn't something that worth much.

The pain of never wanting or yearning anymore.

2009-06-22T14:35:00.002+08:00

Yawn ~
Girlf is dead.
Ask her edit my setting, she dunno die till where ._.
Alert to everyone, if stsp is found alive , inform me ty !

Was sms-ing with summer on relationship.
And when i was using my old phone all i can think is fabian.
I told her " Sometimes heart pain doesn't mean there is love there.
Maybe it a past that will pain but not the love that last.
Me too waiting for fabian for 2yr birthday, till now although it hurt alot, but cuz of him, i learn to grow."

The fate between the chens and me is 0% :)

2009-06-20T19:05:00.001+08:00

Hoping time will go slowly !!
I saw the letter, it freak me out :X
Time went off so fast !
WTF WTH WTF WTH !!!!

2009-06-19T12:04:00.002+08:00

Okay, whatsoever.
Girlf stop being irritating!
I'm goonna scold you as much as i can ! F5
Don't let me see you , you'll regret de ! :X

Ytd night, feeling machiam like taking a rollercoaster ride.
Which is true ?
Well, i dunno ?
But once again, i don't wish to regret.

Stupid GIRLF STSP ! NO BRAIN !
BYE ;)

2009-06-18T12:26:00.002+08:00

Old phone , old memories.
Phone repair-ed.
But there're things that can't be repair-ed forever.
No matter how much i tried.
As long as she don't bother.

Boy, i rmb how much you was there for me in the past.
And till now, it was never me who don't need you.
I still can feel the gap you wanna shuffle between us.
And that the reason i don't wish to meet.
I hate the feeling of stranger.
The never ending weird feeling.

I no longer yearn for any family.
The house is getting more empty by days.
Without my bro, i can't even see my dad and maid at home before 12a.m.
It more and more away from a family.

New blogshop coming soon :)

2009-06-17T15:02:00.002+08:00

那一点心动.
After zhiyong, i realise no guys had let me felt that feel for quite long.
Someone called and asked me, do you wish to be tgt with me in his single status.
Maybe it a joke, but i'm sure the time is not right.